We’re not saying we’re the greatest magazine in the galaxy, but we’re not not saying that, either.

The lousy Smarch weather has blown issue sixty-four onto your doorstep. Witness the advent of texting in paradise, figure out what really hatched from the meteorite that landed in your neighborhood, hunt for food (and survival), listen to the wolves on the stairs, experience trans-dimensional heartache, and squeeze a movie star’s foam trouser hams. And don’t miss the great mood lighting in this month’s cover art.

Ogle it online or eye-tickle the .pdf.

Shouldn’t one of these say, “Eat Me”? That feels like a real missed opportunity . . .

Bust out your “I’m with cupid” t-shirt, ’cause the freezingest, slushiest, most romantical month of the year has arrived. And with it, a new issue of Jersey Devil Press.

Issue sixty-three brings you adventure, magic, danger, surrealism, despair, and more adventure. We’re also playin’ some footsie.

Adore it online or cuddle the PDF.

For our first issue of 2015, Ally Malinenko brings you “Terrible Scenes of Mutilation,” a tragic story of escapees from the Central Park Zoo set at the turn of the last century. This is followed by P.K. Read’s tale of growth and creation, “The Burp.”

Following Dr. Nick’s advice for dangerously underweight individuals such as Homer Simpson, we’ve sandwiched these stories between two pieces that mention Pop-Tarts: Brent DeLanoy’s “Date” and J.D. Hager’s “Brontosaurus.” Our cover art this month is Katerina Kamprani’s “Stone Umbrella,” and it is not a bumbershoot for wimps.

So grab your chewing bacon and your milkshake toothpaste and get reading. Crunch it online or scarf the PDF.