We need to talk.

Seriously. Put down the remote. TNT will still be showing The Mentalist reruns when we’re done.

It’s not easy for us to say, but…our novella contest is in trouble. It’s not you. It’s not us. It’s just the way things are. Maybe the guidelines were too involved. Maybe it’s because we’re also doing those Lovecraft and poetry special issues. They’re a lot flashier and don’t require nearly as much typing. We get it.

But last year — the first time we tried novellas — it was magical. We got dozens of submissions, had a strong short list, and published two really great stories. It went so well, we even went back to the novella for the holidays.

This year, we’ve only received eight entries. Some of them have been okay, but they’re not quite what we’re looking for. Most people didn’t read the guidelines. A lot of people forgot our name in the cover letter.

So, we want to make this novella contest work, but there’s only two weeks left. It’s going to take effort. And people sending us novellas.

And, as long as we’re on difficult subjects…to be honest? The sex just hasn’t been that good in a long time either. Does it always have to be in the ass? Every time? What about our needs? We want to make this work, but you need to meet us halfway.

So start going down again. And finish that goddamn novella. Then submit it.