Write something like this -- only with poop jokes.

Following on the huge success of last year’s inaugural novella contest, we’re back for more. You, too, could join Jody Giardina and Nick Kimbro in the hall of legends that is, um, uh, the place for people who have won the JDP novella contest. (Technically, Nick was runner-up, but there’s no need to rub it in.)

Here’s everything you need to know:

1. Contest is open now! We’ll be accepting submissions for the next two months, until around midnight East Coast time on March 31st. But don’t cut it that close in case Mike decides to go to bed early that night.

2. Use the correct submittable portal. Sending us a novella through the monthly submission portal will make us cross. No one enjoys it when the wrong portal is used without permission.

3. Your novella must have some speculative element. While we’re cool with accepting the occasional straight literary sub for the monthly mag, we only want something with a weird, supernatural, or otherwise unearthly element for the novella contest. We’re always big on crossing and mashing up genres (apparently this is called interstitial fiction?) and you’ll probably help your cause if you throw in a healthy dose of humor. But we will accept a straight fantasy, horror, or scifi novella if it’s particularly well done. (Ask Nick.)

4. Word limit this year is 15,000 to 25,000 words. We know that’s not everyone’s definition of a novella, but as we said last year, “It’s ours. So fuck off.”

5. Only one winner this year. Literary fight to the death, people.

6. Original work only. No reprints.

7. Winner gets the entire June issue of JDP to him- or herself. Yes, June! One of the two most popular four-letter summer months that begin with “J”!

8. And that’s all you win. There’s no money involved — either to enter or in the form of prizes. Just the satisfaction of being among the JDP elite and the joy of having your work archived on the Internet for a semi-indefinite period of time.

9. One entry per person, so take your best shot. If you’re rejected, you can’t resubmit. And if you’re not rejected before March 31st, assume you’ve made the coveted short-list. Which will mean you’re probably one of the five or so favorite entries we received and that you have about an 80% chance of delayed disappointment. (Sorry.) We’ll try to make a final decision by May 1st.

10. No using deer antler spray to make your writing better. Seriously, we don’t put up with that shit.

11. Our best advice: don’t take your really cool seven- or eight-thousand word story and try to pad it out so it qualifies. Likewise, don’t cut the hell out of that novel you’ve been working on. One thing that was readily apparent with last year’s entries was when someone was trying to force the word count one way or another. If it’s not meant to be a novella (as we’re defining it), don’t send it.

12. Our even better advice: read back issues of JDP to see what we like and because, well, they’re awesome. In particular, read last year’s winners. Also, check out “Keeley Kunoichi” by Jimmy Grist, another excellent novella we published in 2012.

That’s it. Get to work. And also don’t forget we’ve also got two other great special issues on tap for this summer. So send us your poetry and your Lovecraft literary mash-ups too.