So, you know Danger_Slater, right? And you know the hysterical goodness that is his writing, right?

So why haven’t you pre-ordered his debut novel, Love Me yet?

Is it because you’re afraid? Is it because you’re not sure you’re going to like it?

Well, that’s stupid, of course you’re going to like it good news then!

Like all the best used car dealerships, you can now try (in a limited manner) before you buy! The first chapter of Love Me is now online!

Up here, in the spiresphere, the wind blows chaotic. It lashes at me from all directions. The cold breeze bites at my skin, freezing my blood. Snow-coning my soul.

I could probably piss ice cubes.

I could shit a refrigerator.

The wind is so cold, I could probably be a refrigerator. I could be your refrigerator. Would you like that? I would. If you wanted me to, I could be the best appliance in your house. Just plug me into the wall and I’ll live in your kitchen. My belly full of casserole. Mixed greens in my skull. A bottle of Merlot jammed into my asshole. You can ask me what’s for dinner and I’ll vomit up some cold cuts. I’ll vomit up some bread. I’ll vomit up some cheese, lettuce, onion and mayo.

“Sandwiches! Yummy!” you’ll gratefully exclaim, and I’ll smile back at you in that way only a refriger-mister can.

So go ahead and read that, then come back here and click the big ol’ button below. A single donation of $25 will get you a paperback of Love Me — a week early! — and an e-book of Screw the Universe. That’s two things to read for one click!