As a child, my view of Thanksgiving, not to mention my sense of humor, was indelibly shaped (some might say scarred) by the episode of WKRP in Cincinnati that aired before Thanksgiving of 1978. It’s the one where the radio station decides to give away live Turkeys at a local shopping mall.

By dropping them from a plane.

Three decades later, as a populace we haven’t got much kinder to the bird Ben Franklin preferred to the eagle as the national symbol. But that doesn’t mean our writers aren’t trying to even the score. While enjoying your feast, make time for a couple stories from our fantastic Holiday Issue that put the shoe on the other foot and the fork in the other hand, or, wing, as the case may be.

First up is Stephen Schwegler’s heartwarming story of monster birds and cannibalism inside a post-apocalyptic shopping mall, “Chinese Take-Out.”

Next, Founding Father, Eirik Gumeny shows you what the Butterball research scientists don’t want you to see in “Almost Every November.”

As Bono inappropriately sings in Feed the World, “Tonight, thank God it’s them, instead of you.”