1. We’ll show Monty Python and the Holy Grail for free and then interrupt before the really funny bits to badger you about supporting quality television. (And if you grew up watching PBS pledge drives, you’d know how awful that can be.)

2. The universe will collapse under the weight of our existential angst and all-encompassing sense of futility at operating in a cruel literary world that just doesn’t care.

3. The tiny, tiny plastic dinosaurs? Microwave.

Who wants any of that? So help us out, if you can.

And on a slightly more serious note, if you were thinking of buying Eirik Gumeny and Ryan Werner’s new books anyway – and really what sane, literate, democracy-loving person wouldn’t? – the Kickstarter has a couple of options that essentially function as pre-orders for either or both books, with extra swag on top. Check ‘em out.