Sure, you could finish that TPS report/chapter of your novel for NaNoWriMo/gallbladder surgery you’re performing right now . . . but dammit, you deserve a break.

To that end, we’ve organized this month’s selections by the amount of time it would take an average adult to read them, rounded to the nearest minute. And you know you’re above average, so you’ll read them even faster. (Admit it: you’re going to time yourself.)

Ian Sacks, “Amazing Human Post-It Note,” 2 min.

Sloan Thomas, “Only One Good Reason to Get a Haircut,” 3 min.

Alex Munkacsy, “The Grey Egg,” 3 min.

Lucas Dylan-Frances, “Katelyn,” 4 min.

Michael Schoch, “The Particular Human,” 8 min.

Gary Moshimer, “Saving Jesus,” 12 min.

You really shouldn’t try to rush, though, because (1) these stories are worth savoring, and (2) the sooner you’re done, the sooner you’ll have to get back to filling in those spreadsheets/interrogating that suspect/feeding your manticore.