We think these stories smell even better than a freshly sabered Tauntaun.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: lakes of blood in the basement, death and mayhem in a convenience store, and being stuck in the endless halls of an empty hotel with only deteriorating, sentient snack machines for company. For you traditionalists, there is a special guest appearance from one of the season’s biggest stars. Consider yourself warned.

So grab a big ol’ cup of eggnog (or hot cocoa, if you are like me and find the idea of putting undeveloped chicken embryos in beverages disgusting), throw another log on the fire (and remember, if your landlord has a problem with that, then that lunkhead should have installed a fireplace in your apartment), and curl up with some good stories.