For our first issue of 2015, Ally Malinenko brings you “Terrible Scenes of Mutilation,” a tragic story of escapees from the Central Park Zoo set at the turn of the last century. This is followed by P.K. Read’s tale of growth and creation, “The Burp.”

Following Dr. Nick’s advice for dangerously underweight individuals such as Homer Simpson, we’ve sandwiched these stories between two pieces that mention Pop-Tarts: Brent DeLanoy’s “Date” and J.D. Hager’s “Brontosaurus.” Our cover art this month is Katerina Kamprani’s “Stone Umbrella,” and it is not a bumbershoot for wimps.

So grab your chewing bacon and your milkshake toothpaste and get reading. Crunch it online or scarf the PDF.